A Personal Interview with Barbara LeBey

The content of your books speak intimately and personally to each reader. Your style is easy to understand. I’d like to begin by asking you why did you start writing self help books after a career as a lawyer and judge?
With great reservation, I began this writing career. Something happened in my personal life that started me in this direction. I had a painful estrangement with my son who had cut himself off from our whole family when he married someone who didn’t want contact with any of us. At that time, I was devastated and saddened and was looking for guidance and found, to my surprise that estrangements within families are all too common, but not talked about and nothing had been written on the subject. A friend who worked for a small publisher urged me to write a book on the subject, pointing out that all my years of dealing with conflict resolution and being a wife, mother, and grandmother should be a good foundation for the task. I discovered that I loved interviewing all the wonderful people who candidly shared their stories with me, and it was those stories that provided the roadmap for me and for my readers.

What was your biggest concern about doing this type of book?
My doctorate is a JD, that is Juris Doctor, but not having a background in family therapy, I worried that I wouldn’t be accepted as an authoritative voice.

Were you accepted?
Yes. Library Journal highly recommended the book, gave it a starred review and said that it filled a void in self help literature. And I received an overwhelming response from people who thanked me for giving them the courage and the skills to reconnect with a loved one they thought they might never see again. I discovered that I had a gift for writing about the problems (and various mending techniques) ordinary people experience every day in the course of their lives. I don’t step over the line to offer advice where there are serious addictions, abuse or mental illness, but I do point out the need for expert counseling in those areas.

To what do you attribute your success in writing books?
A love of what I’m doing, a genuine feeling for the people I come in contact with, not only the people I interview, but those who I work with, those who come to hear me give talks, the readers who offer feedback and the experts I consult with. And then there’s the hard work, the perseverance, and yes, luck.

Most self help books are bought by women, yet you always seem to address both men and women. Why?
Because the problems I address are not gender-based. Even if it’s true that women buy most of these books, they are very likely to share the books with the men in their lives. I must also add that my first book was bought by many men. Men are often the ones who must deal with the pain of family estrangements just as they deal with the difficulties that may arise from divorce and remarriage. Frankly, many men will pick up a book that addresses a problem they are facing faster than they would seek psychological counseling.

What do you most want to accomplish in your books?
Personal relationships in this very complex world can be stressful and often fraught with what appear to be insurmountable problems. I want to help people navigate those problems if I can. Bringing solutions found by others can be exactly what someone else can use to solve their own problems.

Is there some particular quality, trait, or virtue that you think is especially important for people to develop in their lives?
Being willing to take another look and being flexible can prevent so many of life’s conflicts. It was said best by James Russell Lowell: "Foolish men and the dead alone never change their opinions."

Speaking frankly, what do you see in your own life that has been a constant struggle?
Overcoming anxiety, fear of failure, and fear of rejection, but I have learned to withstand the scrutiny of others by having the courage to stand up for my own principles. Even if I’m facing an avalanche of opposition, I still speak what I believe is right. And if I didn’t do that, I might as well not write.

Why do you write?
A modest goal—to change the world and make it a little bit better by easing the pain and anxiety of others so that they can be their very best. Happy people are more productive. And when they are free of fear and deprivation, they don’t fight wars.